Starting From Scratch
by HoshiHikari
Summary: One stormy night, Mac's plane crashes in NY. Although he survives, he is struck with amnesia. Can Stella help him remember everything that was lost or will Mac never recall all the precious moments he shared with his wife Stella and their daughter?
1. Chapter 1

**Starting From Scratch**

**Written by:** HoshiHikari

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI NY

**Summary:** On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything that was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.

**Parings: **Mac and Stella

**Chapter 1**

Stella fidgeted nervously from foot to foot. Once in a while she would glance anxiously at the clock and then out the window into the raging storm that interrupted what would have been a peaceful night. Her fingers that were clutching tightly around her Blackberry had turned white.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

Stella nearly dropped her phone as she tried to answer the call.

"Mac?" She said anxiously, holding her phone close to her ear as she waited for him to speak. She frowned when no one replied after she called his name again.

"Stella, that was the doorbell." Lindsey spoke up, gently pulling the phone away from her ear, as Danny answered the front door. "Mac will be here soon."

"He better be, it's only three hours before…"

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Hawkes announced to everyone present as he, Adam, Don and Sid stepped into the Messer's home. Stella and Lindsey watched as Lucy Messer and Jennifer Taylor dashed across the room and into the awaiting arms of their uncles. The four men at the doorway gave each of the girls a hug and then handed them their presents.

"Mom, can I open my present now?" Jennifer, the 8 year old blue eyes, golden curly locks girl asked as she dashed over to her mom. "Please, please please?"

"Put it with the rest of your presents sweetie." Stella said with a smile tugging at her lips. "Christmas is in two hours. You can wait until then."

"But mom!" Jennifer complained.

"It's tradition. Presents are opened on Christmas day."

"I'll wait until 12:01AM and not a minute longer." Jennifer said, giving her mom a look that said she wasn't going to back down on that.

"Very well, 12:01AM and not a minute earlier."

Jennifer gave her mom a nod and then hurried back to Lucy who was waiting for her so that they could continue playing Scrabble.

"You've got one stubborn kid there." Adam commented as he and the other adults joined Stella and Lindsey on the couch. "Who do you think she inherited that from?"

"Definitely Mac." Stella replied without thinking. "Told him to cancel his damn flight but of course he wouldn't listen. Says he wants to be here to spend Christmas with Jennifer. Says its important that…"

"Well Mac is right. Christmas is an important time to spend with family." Danny interrupted. "You're not a dad, you wouldn't understand just how special and important being around his daughter is at time like this."

"Messer!" Stella yelled harshly. "Look outside the window. There's a storm out there, a freaking storm out there and Mac still wants to fly back to New York. So what if it's Christmas? Christmas isn't a big deal, at least not enough to…"

"Stella, calm down." Don instructed. "You're just still upset about the fight you had with Mac right before he had to fly to Las Vegas for that conference."

"Risk his life for!" Stella shouted loud enough to cover Don's voice, but not loud enough to draw the children's attention onto her. "There's always next year. With that freaking storm outside, its not worth flying back to be here just to be back for Christmas. I rather have him stay at some hotel in Vegas and enjoy himself instead of having him fly and then making me worry about his plane crashing and…."

"Oh Stella." Lindsey wrapped her arms around the older women. "Mac will be here in no time. You said his flight arrives in an hour, so he should be here by 11:30, 12 at the most."

"I swear I'm going to kill him when he arrives."

"That's allowed only if you and Mac participate in a round of passionate love making afterwards." Sid said. "Nothing like the proclamation of love to heal a…"

"Sidney Hammerback!" Lindsey scolded.

"What?" Sid ask innocently.

"Not in front of the children."

The group of adults glanced nervously at Lucy and Jennifer and then gave a collected sigh of relief when neither girl appeared to have heard what was going on in he other side of the living room.

"Well it did its job." Sid said. "It made Stella blush and smile for the first time in days."

"Sid…"

"Stella…" Sid mimicked back. "You know I'm right and you know that's exactly what you need right now. Heck I'll be so nice as to offer babysitting service, that is if Mac allows me to take off work on Christmas day."

"Well with that incentive, the boss would agree to anything." Adam chipped in.

"No wonder Mac's dying to get home. Definitely worth risking his life and limb to…"

"Flack, not now." Lindsey interrupted. "This is not the time."

"Sorry Stella, I…" Don spoke up, only to have Lucy interrupt him, bounding up to Danny and then began tugging at his sleeve.

"Dad, can we please open our presents now?" Lucy asked. "There's only ten more minutes till Christmas arrives."

"Ten minutes?" Stella echoed, quickly glancing at the clock. Sure enough the clock read 11:50PM. "He should have been here by now. He should have landed 50 minutes ago. He would have called directly afterwards. If not call then he would have texted. He would have done something…"

"Dad?" Lucy begged. "Please?"

Danny, more concerned about Stella, carelessly waived at his daughter. Lucy taking the hand movement as an okay, launched herself at the presents underneath the Christmas tree. Jennifer, seeing that Lucy was allowed to open presents, quickly removed herself from the scrabble board and joined Lucy by the tree.

"Stella, calm down." Don said, watching Stella fumble with her Blackberry. They watched in silence as Stella tried in vain to call Mac.

"Something's wrong." Stella said, jumping to her feet and rushing to the window to stare out into the storm, hoping to spot Mac walking up towards the house. "Something happened to Mac. I just know it. He wouldn't not call on arrival. So what if we had a fight. He would have known better then to use that as an excuse to not…"

"Maybe the plane got delayed?" Danny suggested.

"No, he texted me right before the plane took off."

"Then maybe the plane's making circles above the city. It's dangerous to land right now." Hawkes added.

"Dangerous," Stella echoed. "Oh gods…"

Thinking the worst, Stella bolted towards the Messer's front door and began hastily putting on her UGGs.

"Mom?" Jennifer asked, suddenly aware of what her mother was doing. "Where are you going?"

"To the airport." Stella replied automatically.

"Is dad there?"

"I'm going to wait for him at the airport. I…"

"That's not a good idea Stella. There's a blizzard outside and…"Adam spoke up.

"I don't care. I'm going to the airport. No one's going to stop me."

"I want to come with you." Jennifer stated. "I haven't seen dad in days. I miss him."

"Sorry sweetie, I'm going alone. Who knows how long this storm will last? I don't want to pull you away from unraveling presents just to have you sit at the airport and wait for dad." Stella left no room for argument. "When I get back, you can show Mac and I all the wonderful presents your uncles and aunt have spoiled you with this year."

"Alright." Jennifer agreed. "But I'm not staying up too late to wait for you to come back with dad."

"Fair enough." Stella replied. She opened the door, only to have Don call out after her.

"I'm driving Stella." He hurried after her, slipping easily into his pair of sneakers. "Don't argue."

"Wasn't going to."

"Good, because you wouldn't have won." Don agreed. He then turned to the girls. "If there are still any unopened presents by the time we get back, then those belong to me."

"Hey!" Lucy protested.

"Well hurry up and open them. We'll be back in no time. As I said, any unopened presents are mine."

"Except for Uncle Mac's of course." Lucy reasoned.

"Yeah, because it wouldn't be fair since you'll be seeing dad before we do." Jennifer agreed.

"Alright, except for those then. Anything else left over is mine."

"Never knew you like playing with princesses and fairies, Flack." Danny commented.

"Oh, is that what little 8 and 10 year old girls are into these days?" Don questioned. "Last I checked, I believe they were into…"

"Oh get going Don before Stella leaves you behind." Adam interrupted. "She's already out the door."

"Huh?" Don blinked. "Oh, yes of course. I'll see you all later."

He hurried after Stella, catching up to her just as she reached her car.

"La Guardia," Stella said, throwing Flack her keys. Flack caught the keys and then slid himself into the driver's seat.

"I'll drop you off at the domestic terminal. Call me when you're ready." Flack said, as he started the car.

"Not going to use your badge?"

"No use. The airports are crazy this time of year. I pull my badge, the next thing you know, I'll be swamp with angry, frustrated, people who found themselves stuck in an airport on Christmas."

"Good point. You do that, and we'll never make it out alive." Stella agreed.

The ride to the airport passed in silence with Stella worried about Mac and Don not knowing quite how to reassure her friend that Mac was alright.

"Uh oh, this doesn't look good." Stella commented, when they finally arrived at the airport. The journey taking twice as long because of traffic and road blocks. "Told you something wasn't right, Don. What if…"

"Stella, stop that thought right now." Don growled out as he pulled the car to a stop in front of the yellow "Do not cross" line that blocked off the domestic terminal to vehicles.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to turn around. The airport is closed." A police office that neither Don nor Stella recognized, approached the drivers window.

"Detective Flack and Detective Taylor." Flack pulled out his badge and showed it to the officer. "What's going on?"

"A plane crashed landed…."

"Oh my God." Stella cried out. She was immediately out of the passenger seat and in no time standing right before the officer.

"Which one? Which plane crashed?" Stella demanded. "Tell me. Gods, tell me it wasn't…"

The officer glanced back at Don, who too was now standing right behind Stella.

"Delta, from Vegas to New York."

"Mac!" Stella yelled out. In an instant, she felt her world crumble around her. "Mac!"

"Are you sure?" Don demanded. His arms were already tightly wrapped around Stella, holding her up as she collapsed from shock right there in between the two men.

"Yes."

"Mac!" Stella yelled out again and again as Don struggled to keep her still.

"I take it that…" the officer glanced between Stella and Don. Don gave a mute nod. "I'm sorry."

"Were there any survivors?" Don asked, noticing that Stella stilled in his arms when he asked that question.

"I don't know Detective. I'm only responsible for directing traffic and the media out of the here."

"Is there someone who would know?"

"Ask inside. Find…" Before the officer had finished, Stella was already out of Don's arms and running into the airport. Don hastily thanked the officer before sprinting after Stella. He easily caught up to her as she was staring out a window, looking straight at the remains of the Delta airplane.

"Stella, come here." Don instructed. He stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace as the two stared silently out at the people who were milling around the wreck. "Stella.."

"Flack! Taylor! What in the world are you two doing here?" Chief Sinclair's scream, caused Don to hastily let go as the two turned to see the chief storming up to them.

"What are you two…"

"Mac was on that plane." Don interrupted.

"Mac was on that…" Sinclair repeated, only to stop half way when he realized what Don had just said.

"He was returning from the conference in Vegas." Don said softly.

"Oh Stella," Sinclair's voice soften, as he took enormous strides towards them. "Stella…"

"Why didn't you call me Chief? Were you just going to let me find out on the morning news?" Stella demanded, turning to face the chief with angry, tear stricken eyes.

"Of course not Stella. I wouldn't do that to you. I didn't know. I just arrived 10 minutes before the two of you did. I'm still getting updates. I just know that it was a Delta flight from Vegas to New York. It never hit me that…"

"Are there survivors?" Don cut in.

"I can find out." Sinclair said.

"Please do." Don said. "We'll wait here."

Sinclair gave them a nod and then slowly walked away from them.

"Why Mac? Why now? It's Christmas for gods sake. It's…" Stella allowed Don to hold her as she asked questions that she knew wouldn't be answered.

"Mac's a survivor. He'll…"

"What if he didn't? Did you see that wreck Don? It's a mess…"

"Stella…"

"Go to hell."

"What?" Don asked, surprised by Stella's choice of words.

"That was the last thing I said to Mac." Stella clarified. "I can't even remember what we were fighting about. It must have been bad though because I remember telling him to…"

"All couples fight Stella. And when fights happen, people tend to say and do things that they don't mean to. You didn't mean it Stella. You know that. I know that. Mac knows that."

"Still doesn't excuse the fact that I said it. I shouldn't have…"

"Stella…"

"I never got a chance to say goodbye Flack! He was just taken." Stella flung her arms in the air. "Just taken."

"To the ER." Sinclair said as he walked up to the two of them. "Apparently he was one of the lucky few who still had a pulse when the paramedics came to take all survivors to the hospital. Only 17 of 759 passengers and crew survived that crash."

"Still had a pulse?" Stella said weakly.

"A very weak one. Mac was in critical condition when he left the airport. The two of you better get out of here."

"Which hospital?" Don asked, as Stella bolted towards the car. The Chief gave him the address.

"You're driving Flack?" Sinclair asked towards Don's retreating back.

"Yeah Chief, I'm driving." He called back.

"Good. Stay with Stella and make sure you get her anything she needs." The chief hesitated. "Keep me posted Flack. In the event that the worst does happen, make sure Stella doesn't do anything stupid."

* * *

Lindsey had just joined the other adults in the living room after tucking the girls in bed when the home phone rang.

"I'll get it." She said, picking up the phone. "Hello? Messer residence."

"Lindsey?"

"Hi Don. Mac just arrived? You can just drop them off at home and make good use of Sid's word. Jennifer can stay here overnight."

"Mac's plane crashed on landing." Don said quietly over the line.

Lindsey dropped the phone, immediately catching everyone's attention.

"Linds?" Danny asked with concern. Lindsey waived her husband off, slowly picking up the phone again.

"Hello?" Don was saying.

"Sorry Don. I dropped the phone. Is Mac…"

"He's in the ER, in critical condition. Stella and I are heading over to the hospital now."

"Give me the address. We'll head over there right now." Lindsey said.

Don gave Lindsey the address of the hospital.

"Alright, we'll meet you there Don. Take care of Stella, make sure she doesn't…"

"Don't have to tell me Lindsey. I know what to do."

"Good. We'll see you there." Lindsey hung up the phone.

"What is it?" Danny asked, knowing something was wrong by the look of shock on his wife's face.

"Mac's plane crashed on landing." Lindsey said, barely above a whisper. "He's in the ER, in critical condition. Don and Stella are heading to the hospital right now. We'll meet them there."

"I'll wake the girls. Be ready to head out in five minutes." Danny said, leaving the adults in the living room as he headed towards Lucy's bedroom to wake up the girls.

"Why don't Sid and I head out first?" Hawkes suggested, knowing that it could take awhile before the girls would be ready to leave the house. "I'm sure Stella would want some of our input if she needs to make any medical decisions."

"Yeah, great idea." Adam nodded. "I'll wait for Danny and the girls. Lindsey, you need to be there for Stella right now."

* * *

"We're here to see Detective Mac Taylor." Don said to the clerk working behind the receptionist desk at the ER. "Where is he?"

"And you are?"

"His wife." Stella cut in, pulling out her badge, hoping that it would get her somewhere. "I was told that my husband was admitted to the ER at this hospital after his plane crash landed in La Guardia."

"Records show that Detective Taylor was in critical condition on arrival. He's currently undergoing surgery. Feel free to wait here in the waiting room until the surgery's over."

"He's still alive?" Stella asked.

"Yes, he's still alive." The clerk confirmed.

"Thank you." Don said, leading Stella away and into an empty chair.

"Don't worry Stella, Mac will make it through the surgery. He has so much to come home to. In a few hours the doctor's going to come out and give you the good news."

"I hope so."

"I know so." Don corrected. "Believe me. Believe him. He's fighting for his life right now, you've got to do anything you can to support him even if you're not physically next to him."

"Thank you Don." Stella offered a strained smile. "It's just hard to do so, when the last words I told him was go to hell. I mean that doesn't really sound supportive…"

"Stella!"

Before Stella could react, Lindsey had flung herself at her friend, giving her a tight hug.

"We've got here as soon as we could." Lindsey said, pulling away from Stella so that the older women could breath.

"How's Mac?" Hawkes asked, looking at Don.

"In surgery."

"Did you ask for details."

"Critical condition." Don replied.

"Ask for details with your badge?" Hawkes pressed.

"The clerk didn't give any. All we can do now is wait."

"I hate waiting." Stella mumbled. "If Mac had listen to me and canceled his flight then…"

"Oh Stella, what's happened has happen. Just be glad he's alive."

"For how long Lindsey? For how long? What if he dies in surgery?"

"He won't. He's not going to leave you and Jennifer."

"I won't ever forgive him if he does." Stella said. "If he dies…"

"Where's Danny and Adam and the girls?" Don interrupted loudly, not wanting Stella to finish off that sentence.

"They're coming. I just tucked the girls in. It might take a while before they get here. Don't worry, they'll be here before Mac comes out of surgery."

* * *

"Drive faster Adam," Danny complained. "Put on the siren. This is an emergency."

"I'm trying Messer. A siren isn't going to make this blizzard stop."

Danny let out a huff in the passenger seat.

"Besides, we're almost there. Two more blocks to go."

"I'll kill you if we don't make it to the hospital in time."

"Watch the language Danny. This isn't the time to joke around."

"No I suppose not." Danny said somberly, just as Adam pulled the car into a complete stop. Quickly the group got out and walked swiftly into the ER.

"Danny! There you guys are. What took you so long?" Lindsey asked.

"Ross here was driving like a snail." Danny jerked his head at Ross.

"Hey! I didn't think a second accident was going to make the situation any better. Better a little late then…"

"Mommy." Jennifer said, rushing over to her mother and collapsing onto her. Stella looked up at Danny and Danny gave a nod, indicating that he had told the girls the truth.

"Oh Jennifer." Stella wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter.

"Is daddy going to be okay? Uncle Danny said that daddy had an accident."

"He will be fine. These doctors here are going to make sure that he's all better." Stella tried to reassure her child.

"Detective Taylor?" A man in scrubs walked quickly towards the group.

"Yes?" Stella asked, standing up.

"I'm Dr. Gordon. I'm your husband's lead surgeon." He raised his hand and Stella shook it.

"How is Mac?' Stella asked anxiously.

"The surgery was a success. He's currently resting in a private ward."

"Oh thank you doctor. Thank you." Stella let out a sigh of relief. "Can we see him?"

"Normally I wouldn't agree since he needs his rest. But he did ask for his wife and I don't think he'll rest until he sees you. Five minutes only Detective."

"Thank you Doctor."

"Follow me."

"Can I come mommy?" Jennifer asked.

"Maybe next time, sweetie." Stella said. "I'm just going tuck daddy in and then I'll be right back. Just wait right here with the rest of your Uncles and Aunt."

"Oh, okay." Jennifer said.

Stella followed the surgeon as he led them to Mac's room.

"When will he be discharged from the hospital?" Stella asked, trying to make conversation.

"We will discus that after Mr. Taylor wakes up from his much needed rest. We'll run a few test tomorrow and then we'll go from there."

"That bad?"

"Considering what he's just gone through, I'll say he isn't bad at all. He's very alert and his body seems to be adjusting rapidly to the new changes."

"Comes with being a Marine." Stella said softly. "Automatic responses for survival."

"Ah, that must be it." The doctor replied, stopping in front of a room which door was closed. He knocked, opened the door and stepped in with Stella following closely behind him.

"Mac! I'm so glad you're alive. You have no idea how scared I was when I heard that…" Stella ran up to her husband. Ignoring all the equipment that was attached to him, she bent down and gave him a kiss. She frowned when he twisted his head away.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Mac questioned, his eyes displaying shock.

"Mac?" Stella questioned, confused.

"Doctor," Mac ignored Stella, instead addressing Dr. Gordon.

"Yes Mr. Taylor?"

"I asked you to bring me my wife, not my co-worker."

"Mac, it's me, Stella. I am…"

"Where's Claire?" Mac demanded, ignoring Stella. "Where's my wife?"

* * *

So here is the start of another Smacked fic. Feel free to tell me what you think. Like it? Hate it? Hopefully it wasn't too depressing. Remember to **Review**!


	2. Chapter 2

**Starting From Scratch**

**Written by:** HoshiHikari

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI NY

**Summary:** On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything that was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.

**Parings: **Mac and Stella

**Warning: **A small visual of 9/11 is mentioned in this chapter. It may or may not bring back unpleasant memories.

**Chapter 2**

"Where's Claire?" Mac demanded again. "Where is she? Where is my wife?"

"Claire?" Stella repeated with shock. "Claire?"

"Yes! Claire! Where is she? Where's my wife?"

"Mac? I am your wife! It's me Stella!" Stella shouted back.

Mac didn't seem to hear what Stella said. He tried to sit up, tearing some of the equipment off of him. Immediately Dr. Gordon was on the other side of Mac's bed. He reached out and tried to force Mac to lay down again. It didn't seem to work as the two of them struggled with the other, Mac trying to sit up and the other trying to get him to lay down again.

"Press the red button." The doctor orders Stella.

"What?" Stella asked back, obviously shocked by Mac's demands and behavior.

"The red button that's on…"

"LET ME GO! I HAVE TO SEE CLAIRE!" Mac roared. "I SWEAR I WILL…"

"The button is on your side of the bed!" Dr. Gordon addressed Stella loudly, though not enough to cover Mac's voice entirely. Stella looked around, finally spotting the red button. Reaching out, she pressed the button, expecting a siren to go off. The siren didn't go off, but within seconds, the doors to Mac's room swung up again and a group of doctors and nurses rushed in. They pushed Stella aside, some of them began helping Dr. Gordon restrain Mac while others hooked Mac up to the machines.

"ARREST EVERYONE FOR DENYING…"

"Sedative's ready, doctor." One of the nurses said. "Shall I begin the process?"

"MY REQUEST FOR…."

"CLAIRE'S DEAD!" Stella roared, covering Mac's screams. For a split second Mac slumped in the group of doctor's arms. His eyes sough Stella's and found the pain etched in them. In an instant he felt the world come crashing down around him as the memories of what might have caused him to end up in the hospital began to sink in.

"NO! YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE LYING!" Mac began struggling in the doctor's and nurse's grasp again, this time harder then before.

"Mac…" Stella tried to use her voice to calm the man down.

"WHY DID YOU COME AFTER ME? WHY DID YOU SAVE ME? WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE WITH HER? SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING!" Mac began tugging at the equipment once more, some of them which were vital in keeping him alive. "JUST LET ME DIE!"

"Sedate him." One of the doctors ordered and the nurse in charge of sedation began the process.

"NO MAC! I WILL NOT LET YOU DIE. YOU'RE MY…" Stella began, only to stop when she notice Mac slumped in the arms of the doctors. His eyes were closed and although it was obvious that pain still marred his face, he was at least resting for the time being.

"How much of that sedative did you use?" Stella asked wearily, surprised at its quick effect.

"Hopefully enough to keep him asleep for the rest of the night." Dr. Gordon replied, as he helped attached the equipment back onto Mac. "Don't worry, this won't kill him." He assured her. He made Mac comfortable and then turned to Stella, his eyes locking onto hers.

"Who' s Claire?" Dr. Gordon asked slowly as the others left the room.

"She was his wife. She died on 9/11." Stella replied.

"September 11?" He repeated. "But it has been…"

"I know." Stella grabbed a chair and then sat down next to Mac's bedside. She reached out and gently ran her fingers across his forehead, gently wiping off the beads of sweat that he had worked up while struggling in the doctors' arms. "He must have thought the reason he's in the hospital was because he was pulled out of the towers and not because of the plane crash."

"Was he a first responder?" Dr. Gordon asked, knowing that both Taylors were part of the NYPD.

"No. But his wife worked there. He ran in there after her, I ran in there after him…."

"I'm sorry."

"No need to be. It's been so long. I helped him through this once. I'll help him through this again."

"I'm afraid you'll need to do more then that. I'm afraid he's…"

"Lost his memory? I already came to that conclusion, doctor. We'll be married for 10 years come February and we have been best friends for roughly 20 years. I knew something was wrong the minute he started screaming for Claire."

"I'm sorry." The doctor repeated.

"No need. I helped him through this once, I'll help him through this again. Besides 9/11 happened in 2001 and it's now what? The end of 2018. He's only forgotten, what? Oh I don't know, 17 years more of less. I can do this. It's not that long." Stella said, trying to convince herself, even though she could tell that she was sounding a bit hysterical.

"Mrs. Taylor, perhaps you should get some rest and come back tomorrow."

"No, I'll stay. I'm not leaving Mac. He needs me. I'm not going to abandon him."

"It will do neither of you any good if you breakdown here and now."

"I won't." Stella promised. "For his sake, for our daughter's sake. Oh Gods, what am I suppose to tell Jennifer? How can I tell her that her that daddy's forgotten about her?"

"Mrs. Taylor…"

"I'm staying."

"Mrs. Taylor…"

"I'm staying!"

"I can't convince you otherwise, can I?"

"No."

"Would you at least go out and tell your friends that you're staying and that they can go home?"

"Can you tell them for me doctor?" Stella asked, knowing that she really would break down if she was to face her friends and daughter right now. "Please?"

The doctor studied her and then slowly nodded.

"How much do you want me to tell them?"

"The truth. They deserve to know."

* * *

"Five minutes." Don growled as he paced back and forth. "She says five minutes and she's gone for ½ an hour."

"We'll be lucky if we get out of here in the next hour. Knowing them, I'm sure they're either in the process of screaming at each other for Mac's recklessness or in the process of making up like there's no tomorrow." Adam said.

"Well she should have called or text at the very least if she plans to stay longer." Sid commented. "But then again she has all eyes on him now."

"Well she still should have let us known if one us is at least allowed to take the girls home. I imagine sleeping on those chairs is quite uncomfortable." Danny said.

"Perhaps next time I'll show you the lounge." Dr. Gordon interrupted as he walked briskly towards the group.

"Where's Stella?" Hawkes asked.

"She's staying overnight. And I won't suggest waking up the girls just yet." He added with a look of seriousness.

"What is it?" Lindsey asked concerned, stopping herself from waking up the girls.

"I don't know how to say this nicely, so I'll be blunt. Mr. Taylor has been struck with amnesia."

"Amnesia?" The group echoed as one.

"Yes."

"How severe is it?" Hawkes asked.

"I don't know for sure, but from what Mrs. Taylor and I just gathered, I'll say pretty severe."

"Was he able to recognize Stella?" Lindsey asked.

"I believe so. However…"

"Then that's all that matters, he hasn't forgotten everything." Danny said with a smile. "She'll…."

"However what?" Sid asked, interrupting Danny.

"I do not think Mr. Taylor will be able to regain his memory in all of entirety. Not everything that's he's forgotten in the last 17 years will come back."

"17 years?" Adam echoed. "How do you know that he's forgotten the last 17 years of his life, probably the most significant years of his adult life."

"At least the last 17 years." Dr. Gordon corrected. "When Mrs. Taylor entered, Mr. Taylor had been shocked. When he had demanded to see his wife, he hadn't expected to see this Mrs. Taylor. He had expected to see…"

"Claire." Don whispered softly.

"Yes. Did you know her?"

Everyone except for Don shook their heads side ways.

"Not well. Not as well as Stella did. I wasn't that close to Mac back then. But Stella, by the third week she was working as his partner, she was already going over to the Taylor's home for dinner every other night." Don said wistfully. "Mac's never been the same since 9/11. Stella's done a fine job at patching him up but even she knows that's he's never been the same person again. Some wounds never heal."

You're right. I'm afraid this particular wound has just been reopened."

"Well I for one am confident that Mac will be back to normal in no time." Lindsey said optimistically after a moments of silence. "If anyone can help Mac right now, it's Stella."

"I'm sure you're right." Dr. Gordon murmured. "Well I best be going. I still have some other patients to attend to. I just dropped by to give you all and update and to let you know that Mrs. Taylor would like you all to go home and rest."

"Thank you doctor."

They watched Dr. Gordon leave and then began to speak only after he had disappeared around the corner.

"Well I'm going go find Mac's room and camp outside." Hawkes said, stifling a yawn. "I don't have work later today and I'm sure Stella would appreciate knowing she has someone she knows and trusts to offer her advice on any medical decisions that she might have to make."

"I'm still up for the babysitting offer." Sid piped up. "I'll take the girls' home so that all of you can head back to work. I'm sure with both Mr. and Mrs. Taylor on urgent leave, the Chief would appreciate an extra hand or two at work."

"But I thought you're working today, Sid?"

"The world isn't going to fall apart with one less M.E. working on Christmas day. However I can't say the same if there's three less CSI working."

* * *

Sinclair was very distracted. Ever since Stella and Don showed up saying that Mac had been on that plane that crashed, he found himself unable to concentrate on anything else.

"Is everything wrapped up?" The chief asked one of the police officers who had been called to the scene.

"Yes Chief. The airport can open up in two hours, though I doubt any more flights will be taking off or arriving here anytime soon."

"Good. Finish up here. I'm heading back to the police department."

"Yes sir."

Sinclair pulled out and dialed a number as he walked briskly toward his car.

"Flack, I thought I told you to give me an update." Sinclair said the moment the line was picked up.

"I was just about to chief." Don said.

"So what's the news on Taylor's condition?"

When Flack didn't reply immediately, Sinclair questioned him again.

"Mac has amnesia." Don said after allowing the silence to last a little bit longer.

"Knowing Stella, she'll help him regain his memory in no time. Knowing the team, I know you'll all help him out. Anything physically wrong with him?"

"Not that I know of."

"Good, then knowing Taylor, I know I'll be seeing him back at work the minute he steps out of that hospital with or without his memory intact."

"You don't understand chief."

"What don't I understand Flack? Taylor lost parts of his memory, he's still able to function. He hasn't regressed to an infantile state of mind. It's just that parts of his memory has been lost…"

"17 years of it." Don interrupted. "At least the last 17 years of it. We still have to pinpoint exactly how much, but we know that he lost at least 17 years of it."

This time it was Don who was greeted by silence.

"You don't understand Chief. Mac wanted to see Claire. He believes she's still alive. I haven't had the chance to actually see Mac or Stella yet, but if Mac's asking for Claire, then that will probably mean that in Mac's mind 9/11 hasn't occurred yet. And from 9/11 till now, it has been 17 years. And we still don't know if anything before 9/11 is still intact and if so, how much of it is still intact."

"Stella helped Mac through this once. She'll help him through this again." Sinclair said softly. "I expect Stella to be by Mac's side through this whole ordeal and since its only you and I that Mac might be familiar with, the rest of his team…"

"Will be visiting them between cases since I'm sure you'll be putting them all on overtime."

"And who will watch the children?"

"Sid volunteered. He said you could afford losing one M.E. for the time being, unless of course you'll allow one of the Messers to do that task."

"You've got this all worked out Flack."

"Of course, chief. As the Taylors friend, I'm doing my part to help out and fortunately for me it is an easy task. You're the one with the difficult task."

"And what task is that."

"Seeing that Stella will be occupied with caring for Mac, as his superior, you are obligated to inform his closes kin of the current situation. You, chief, have the honor of breaking Mac's amnesia to Mac's mom and to Reed."

* * *

_The sky was black. Dust and debris was flying everywhere. Chaos reigned through the streets as people ran away from the South Tower that had just collapsed upon itself. As people ran away from Wall Street, he ran towards it. He was running towards the North Tower with only one thought in mind—Claire. Claire worked at the World Trade Center and he just had to get to her. Just as he reached the North Tower, he felt a pair of hands reach out and grab him from behind._

"_Mac! Mac! Mac!" Stella's voice sounded from the distance. "Mac! Mac!"_

"_Claire! I have to get to Claire! Claire!"_

_He struggled in he arms, trying to free himself so that he could rush into the burning building. _

"_Mac!"_

"_Let go Stella! I have to get to Claire! I have to save her!" He pulled hard, finally breaking free of Stella's grasp. Without turning around, he rushed into the burning building. _

"_Mac! No! Mac! Come back! Mac!"_

_Mac hadn't taken two steps into the building when he heard a large rumbled. The whole tower began to shake and in an instant he felt the floor give way from beneath him. Before he knew it he felt the entire world collapsing around. Suddenly from out of nowhere he felt a pair of hands grab him and…_

"Mac! Mac! Wake up! It's just a nightmare. Mac! Wake up! Mac, wake up!"

Mac's eyes flashed opened. He found himself in a darkened room and so it had taken him awhile before his eyes were able to adjust.

"It's alright Mac. I'm here." Stella tried to calm Mac. She reaches out and took one of his sweaty hands and brought it to her chest.

"Claire?" Mac asked, turning his head to look at the women who was seated next to him. From the dim light, all he could make out was a mass of curly hair.

"Stella," Stella corrected. "Stella."

"Stella." Mac repeated.

"Yes, I'm Stella. Do you remember me Mac?"

"Of course I do. You've been my partner for 3 years at the NYPD."

"Only 3 years?" Stella asked weakly. "We've been partners on the force for two decades now Mac." She said quietly. "But of course you wouldn't be able to remember that. You have…"

"Remember what Stell?" Mac asked.

"Do you know where you are Mac?" Stella asked instead. Mac looked around and then looked at Stella.

"The hospital. Why am I in the hospital? Was I in an accident and if so, where's Claire? Claire should be here…"

"Do you remember what I told you earlier today when you first woke up Mac?' Stella asked gently, squeezing Mac's hands.

"That Claire's dead." Mac whispered. "and I had my outburst and…"

"You're pretty calm Mac for a man who just heard that his wife's dead. Are you going to have your outburst now?"

"I've had my outburst already. I'm just in shock now that the message is finally sinking in." Mac replied. "How did she…"

"9/11"

"9/11, what's that?"

"September 11, 2001. It was the day that the World Trade Center collapsed in New York. It's the day that you're being plague by in your nightmares."

Silence fell between the two of them as Stella waited for Mac to ask the next question.

"When you said that we've been partners for two decades on the force, does that mean what I think it means?"

"What do you think it means?"

"That I have amnesia."

"Very perceptive Mac. Yes, that is what I mean."

"What date is it today?"

"Christmas 2018"

"17 years! I've forgotten 17 years of my life! Many things could have happened and…"

"and it did Mac. Many things did happen, and I'm sadden that everything that is the most important in the present has been forgotten, but we'll take this slowly Mac. We'll take this one day at a time. I'll help you through this."

"What if I never remember anything?"

"Then we'll make new memories Mac." Stella brought Mac's left hand up to her lips and gave it a kiss. Mac being the detailed man that he was he didn't fail to spot the matching rings that they both were wearing.

"Stella, please." Mac said softly. He tugged at his hand gently and Stella reluctantly released it.

"Whenever you're ready Mac."

"I'm sorry Stella. It's just that Claire's still so fresh in my memory and …"

"Hush Mac. I understand."

"Stell, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You have nothing to apologize for."

"I just can't bear to see you in pain Stella. It's hard knowing that I've lost my memories, its even harder to know that you have to be in pain because of it, because of me."

"Well it would be painful if you entirely forgot about me but seeing as you haven't I think I have something to work with."

"You're an amazing women Stella. It would be my lost if I ever forgot about you."

"Thank you Mac."

"Anytime Stella. I know you'll do it for me. That's what partners do…"

"We take care of each other."

"So are you going to take care of me now?"

"Only if you'll allow me to Mac. Only if you'll let me in."

"I…I…I'll need to work on that. Maybe in time…."

"I won't rush you into anything you're not ready for Mac."

"Thank you. So where do we start?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything. I want to remember everything."

"I don't know where to start."

"With the most important."

"But everything's important."

"From the beginning then. So what happened after 9/11?"

* * *

So a big change in attitude for Mac from the beginning of the chapter to end of it. This chapter mainly establishes the grounds for what Mac can and cannot remember. And about the blurb on 9/11, I'm sorry if I offended anyone or inaccurately posted something. I meant no harm if it brought back flashes of what happened that day. As always remember to **Review**!


	3. Chapter 3

**Starting From Scratch**

**Written by:** HoshiHikari

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI NY

**Summary:** On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything that was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.

**Parings: **Mac and Stella

**Chapter 3**

"Why don't we start with what 9/11 is first." Stella corrected.

"You said the World Trade Center fell and Claire died. That's all that matters. Claire died. She was taken and…"

"I wish it was that simple Mac." Stella lightly cut in. "There's more to it."

"I don't care. She's dead. Nothing's going to change that. We can just move on and…" He stopped speaking when Stella let out an uncontrollable laugh. "What?"

"Not care Mac? Just move on Mac? Gods Mac, if you had that attitude 17 years ago, it would have made patching you up so much simpler."

"Circumstances have changed. Like you said 17 years have passed since Claire died. That's a very long time. I've obviously moved on." He nodded his head toward the ring on his left finger that now matched the women who was sitting beside him. "I might not be able to remember it, or have any emotions attached to it, but it's obvious that I did and so I've just got to accept this and move on. I've got 17 years to remember and as much pain Claire's death gave me, is giving me now, I have to integrate back into the present. I'm not going to let one event define the rest of my life. I'll always remember Claire. I'll always love her, but…."

"Four planes were hijacked that morning. Two planes crashed into the World Trade Center, one per building." Stella cut him off. "The Pentagon was hit by the third plane. The fourth plane crashed in the middle of a field."

"WHAT?" Mac was obviously shocked, suddenly not minding that he had been cut off. He had thought it was some fluke that had caused that. Perhaps an enormous earthquake followed by a fire, something similar to what had happened in San Francisco in 1906.

"September 11 affected everyone. It changed everyone, either directly or indirectly. It changed you Mac. The old Mac died and a new Mac was born. Don't tell me it didn't matter because my best friend and the man that I love came from those very ashes of the collapsed building."

"You love me?" Mac asked softly.

"I know you don't want to hear it right now Mac, not while Claire's still fresh in your mind, but yes Mac I love you. If it makes you feel any better Mac, these feelings were developed later on, not when the two of you were still together. I admit that I was attracted to you the first time we met, but that was it and nothing more came out of it. Everybody thought we would have been married long ago, perhaps even after I patched you up, but in reality we've danced around each other for another 8 years after 9/11 before we finally tied the knot. If I couldn't let you be consumed by the terrorist attacks back then, what makes you think I'll sit back and watch you struggle with this all over again?"

"Stella…"

"Trust me Mac. Brushing off 9/11 and Claire's death isn't going to work."

"Stella…"

"Listen Mac. I'm not going to let history repeat itself. I'm not going to let you turn into that lifeless shell ever again. I know the warning signs and you're already displaying them."

"Lifeless shell?"

"That's what you ultimately became Mac. You collapsed into yourself, built up walls and buried yourself into your work. You became an insomniac. You went from a five-day, 8 hour work schedule to working 7 days a week, nearly 24 hours a day. You were dying Mac and there was nothing anyone could do to save you."

Mac's heart couldn't help but mirror the pain that was reflected in Sella's eyes as she spoke of a time in Mac's life when he belonged with the living dead.

"You did save me Stella. I'm here now." Mac said quietly. He reached out and gently touched Stella's check. "You saved me Stella."

"I suppose so. But what I'm saying is that…"

"I know Stell. I promise I won't become that this time. I know that I won't because I have you here to help me. I'm allowing you to help me through this Stella. I want you to help me. I need you to help me."

"Mac…"

"I promise you Stella that after you've helped me through this obstacle, I'll take care of you for the rest of our lives. Stay strong for me this one last time I swear I will learn to love you. I swear I'll…"

"Mac stop." Stella pulled her face back so that Mac's hand that had been on her cheek fell onto the bed. "I don't want you to love me out of obligation or duty."

"Stella…" Mac protested.

"Mac you don't learn to love someone. You love them because you do. Just because two people who hate each other live together it doesn't mean that time will make them love each other. 17 years of memory loss is a very long time. Realistically speaking, the chance of remembering everything is slim. It will take time for memories and emotions to resurface that is if they do resurface. Until then, you can't force anything. I don't want you to force yourself into doing something you can't or aren't ready to do. I don't want you to force yourself to love someone you aren't in love with."

"Yet I get the feeling you won't let me walk away so easily."

"Definitely not going to give up on us until death finally claims me."

"Good, because I don't want you to give up. Give me some time Stell."

Comfortable silence fell between the two of them, Stella once again leaned closer to Mac.

"So what happened after 9/11?" Mac asked, eager to learn as much of the past as possible in hopes of quickly regaining his memories.

"Bush declared his War on Terrorism. He led the troops against Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda who are believed to be responsible for the attacks. The Iraq war began in 2003 and soon after the US had pretty much invaded a few counties of the Middle East. Despite his unpopularity, Bush was reelected for a second term. By the time he left the office, we were still at war. Obama, his successor, was the first Black president of the US. In 2009, the US was officially in a recession A few companies…"

"Stella," Mac interrupted.

"What?"

"As important as all this information is, this won't help me remember."

"Oh sorry, I…"

"International Affairs are important and though it does answer my question, and war always fascinates the Marine side of me, it's not what I'm looking for. Once I get out of the hospital, I can just hop onto Google, if that's what you still use, and find all this information over the net." He frowned at the expression of surprise etched on Stella's face. "What?"

"So you don't live under a rock. Google, I'm absolutely astounded that you know that site, Mac."

"We use it at work Stella. Of course I know it. I thought by now, you'll know everything about me."

"Well in the last 20 years, what you don't know, anything that falls out of work related issues, still never ceases to surprise me. It's always better to assume that you don't know then you do."

"Well that's going to change. Mac 3.0 is going to make it his mission to know everything about everything."

"Mac 3.0?"

"Yes, Mac 3.0 is the upgraded version of…"

"Is Mac Taylor actually making jokes about his own name on his own accord?" Stella asked.

"Yeah, so?"

"Nothing." Stella shook her head from side to side in wonder. "Definitely a new Mac. Mac 2.0 rarely allowed jokes made about his name."

"That's why it is called an upgrade. The new Mac is custom made to suit Stella's needs."

"Stella needs Mac to remember. What will help him remember what he forgot?"

"Us." Mac immediately replied. "Talk about us."

"Now?"

"Why not?"

"There's a lot to tell. It wasn't a one night stand at Vegas or anything like that. Like I said, we were dancing around each other for 8 years before we finally tied the knot. I can't even begin to describe those 8 years, let alone the 9, almost 10 years that came after. I can't even put into words the amazing bond we have as best friends let alone as husband and wife. I think I'll need to think about the best way to…"

"Don't. I want to know everything. The good and the bad. You don't need to filter anything. I can decide for myself." Mac paused. "I suppose you can start with friendship first and then move on from there. At least it will be in some kind of order and it'll make more sense."

"The story begins with the death of Claire. After her death, you withdrew into yourself and I…" Stella carefully chose her words as she began to tell the story of how she and Mac became best friends and eventually a married couple.

* * *

Sinclair paced back and forth in his office. Once in awhile he would stop by his des, pick up the phone, press a few numbers and then slam the phone down again. He repeated his actions a few times before he was finally able to complete the call. The phone rang and rang until someone finally picked up on the other end.

"Hello?" A sleep filled male voice answered the phone.

"Reed Garrett?" Sinclair asked.

"That's me. Who's calling?"

"Chief Sinclair of the NYPD"

"Dad and mom's boss?"

"Yes."

"Everything okay?" Reed asked, the sleepiness in his voice suddenly gone.

"Where are you?"

"Spending Christmas in Los Angeles at my girlfriend's place."

"Oh."

"What's wrong Chief?" Reed asked. "You never call me, let alone at this hour unless it was important. Now spill it."

"Mac was flying back from a conference in Vegas. His plane…"

"Don't tell me, chief. Don't tell me that it…"

"It crash landed."

"NO! You're lying. He's not…He can't be…"

"It did, but…"

"Where's mom? Why didn't Stella call me herself? She's not…"

"She's in the hospital."

"No! No! It's Christmas! Mac can't be....Stella can't be…NO!" Reed screamed. "What about Jennifer? How is she?"

"Reed listen to me before jumping to conclusions. Stella and Jennifer weren't on the plane. Stella's s in the hospital right now spending the night with Mac who survived the crash. Hammerback is babysitting Jennifer."

Reed let out a deep sigh of relief.

"I'll be in New York on the next flight back. Thanks for telling me Chief."

"There's more Reed."

"More?"

"Mac has amnesia."

"He lost his memory?"

"Initial reports have confirmed that he's forgotten the last 17 years."

"17 years? But that would mean…"

"It means a lot of things Reed. Just get here soon. Fly back in safe weather."

"Of course."

"Good. Can you do me a favor Reed?"

"What?"

"Tell Mac's mother for me? I haven't gotten the chance and I was thinking that it would be easier if it was you who broke the news to her."

"Chief, I don't think…"

"Please Reed? Maybe you can stop by Chicago, tell her face to face and then head over here together. I think this will work out better as you can help her in aspects that I cannot."

"Alright, I'll tell grandma. Expect us in New York by the beginning of next week at the latest."

"Thank you."

* * *

"How long exactly did I stay in this lifeless shell?" Mac asked. "You make it seem like I was in there forever."

"It did feel like forever Mac, but to answer your question, you didn't really start venturing out until at least 4 years later."

"That long? Did we start dating then?"

"Wish we did, but sadly no. We were both dating separate people but in reality we were best friends by then and at least for my part you were still the first person I'll turn to you for the silliest things."

"What about your boyfriend?"

"After everything that happened, I don't even consider Frankie or Drew as ever being my boyfriend."

"Ouch." Mac winced as a pain shot through his head.

"Are you okay Mac?"

"Yeah. Think the names might have triggered something."

"What did it trigger?"

"I don't know. Can't remember. My head just hurts."

"Perhaps we should give this a rest. We have been talking for a few hours and morning will be here soon."

"I don't need to rest."

"Of course you do. Didn't you just promise me that you'll never turn into an insomniac again?"

"But…"

"Mac."

"I'm afraid to close my eyes. I see the Towers falling and then I think of Claire and thinking of Claire just forces me to remember that I stormed out that morning because of a fight we had and…"

"You'll still have to sleep eventually."

"Not now. Maybe later?"

"Mac…"

"Stella…"

"Fine. We'll talk for another hour and then I'm getting some rest. You can stay up if you like, but I'm going to sleep."

"Fine. Tell me about Frankie and Drew please. They're the first things that seemed to have triggered anything and I really want to remember, even if its about you're Ex."

"Drew came after Frankie, but I suppose I can start with him first. He's easier to talk about."

"How so?"

"Well, Drew is your childhood friend from Chicago."

"Andrew?"

"Yes and he's also your 333 stalker."

"My what?"

"When you came back from London, you were stalked and it turned out to be Drew. He got close to me to get to you. He kidnapped you and would have killed you if we didn't find you in time."

"Why was I in London?"

"Peyton. She was your girlfriend and when she asked you to go to London with her, you did. When you had left, I had really thought I lost you to her and…" Stella trailed off. "I still hate her for sending that Dear John letter. She comes from nowhere, steals you away and then when she's through, just discards you like…"

"I came back to New York for you Stella."

"What?"

"I came back to New York for you Stella." Mac repeated. "By the time I left, we both knew it was over. She wanted me to marry her and stay in London, but I couldn't. I never verbalized it, but we both knew that my heart belonged else where. The letter just finalized…"

"Mac?"

"Hmm…"

"Do you realize what you're saying?"

"I…"

"You remember Peyton." Stella stated flatly.

"A little. I guess I didn't even realize I remember her. The words just came out of my mouth…"

"What else did you realize Mac?"

"That she's blond, English and use to be a M.E. at the lab. She…"

"Why did you come home Mac? Why did you leave London, leave Peyton?"

"Because of you." Mac whispered, as he just realized what he had said a little earlier. "I came back to New York because of you Stella. I…"

"That's all I needed to here Mac, at least for now. I just needed to know it was me."

* * *

He felt a poke on the left side of his stomach and then another poke on his right side.

"Silly Uncle Hawkes! What are you doing sleeping on the floor?" A little girl's voice said a little too loudly next to his ear.

"Uncle Hawkes, wake up!" He felt two pairs of hands shake him. Slowly he opened his eyes to find Jennifer and Lucy staring down at him, their two faces hogging up his entire vision.

"I'm up. I'm up." Hawkes said. Jennifer and Lucy took a step back. Hawkes brushed the wrinkles off his clothes and stood up.

"What are you two doing here?" Hawkes asked.

"To visit Daddy of course!" Jennifer piped up.

"In the middle of the night?" Hawkes questioned.

"It's 9AM Hawkes." Sid spoke up from behind the girls. "I'm surprised no doctors or nurses have kicked you out yet for sleeping in the hallway."

"They're probably too busy to do so." Hawkes replied.

"Come on Uncle Hawkes. Join us inside." Lucy pulled at Hawkes's shirt. "Come inside."

"Okay, okay. I'm coming." Hawkes said. He knocked on the door to Mac's ward and then opened the door. He had barely stepped inside when the two girls barreled passed him. Sid stepped inside and stood next to Hawkes, closing the door behind him.

"Daddy!" Jennifer screamed as she ran towards the bed, not recognizing the look of shock etched on her father's face at seeing a little girl who was a mixture of both himself and Stella run towards him at full speed.

* * *

Hope you all liked the chapter. Mac's full reaction to Jennifer's appearance in the next chapter. Also Mrs. Taylor's reaction to her son having amnesia. Until then, do remember to **Review**!


	4. Chapter 4

**Starting From Scratch**

**Written by:** HoshiHikari

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI NY

**Summary:** On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything that was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.

**Parings: **Mac and Stella

**Chapter 4**

"And then I proposed that night." Mac said softly. "Declared my love to you on top of Mt. Olympus and…"

"As magical as that would have been, you did not propose to me in Greece." Stella corrected.

"But it's so obvious that I was madly in love for you by then. Heck, I flew half way around the world to bring you home. I didn't…"

"Obvious? Madly in love?" Stella asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Yes! The way you've described us, it's obvious that I've been in love for years. I mean if those peck on the cheeks, shy smiles, small touches aren't signs of love, then I don't know what is. You did say that I said that I flew over to Greece not only because of the work but because I care about you Stella."

"Mac…"

"If I didn't propose, then at least tell me we made love that night and that I promised you things that…"

"Professor P. just died. Do you think I would have been in the mood?"

"Not even comfort sex?"

"Not even comfort sex." Stella confirmed.

"What about the flight back? Did I propose then?" Mac continued to asked. "Or did we have sex in one of those cramped bathrooms?"

"Mac!" Stella scolded, her face flushed red. "What's with you and proposing and having sex during or slightly after our trip to Greece?"

"Can you blame me Stella?" Mac countered. "I'm like a bystander right now, listening, seeing and experiencing everything that supposedly happened to me and from the way you tell my life story in chronological order. Proposing or having sex just seems like the obvious next step in furthering our relationship from best friends into a romantic couple. The timing just seems right."

"And what happened to dating?" Stella asks with a slight tease. "I believe that would have been the proper step."

Mac rolled his eyes and gave a sideways shrug.

"Are you kidding me? We've practically been dating since Peyton, well even before then, but the end of Peyton is a good place to start. Just tell me we got together within a few weeks after we returned from Greece."

"Sorry to disappoint you but there is still some time between Greece and when we finally tie the knot Mac."

Mac threw up his hands in frustration.

"This dancing around each other business is driving me insane. The attraction between us is so obvious that denying it's assistance is painful. God's Stella, when are we going to get there?"

"Perhaps if Jessica didn't die, then maybe we would have been together sooner." Stella said quietly, remembering her friend.

"What?" Mac asked, shocked.

"After Greece, happiness didn't get a chance to settle before Jessica was shot and killed in the line of duty. Her death hit Don hard. It hit everyone hard. That night while we went out to a bar to remember Jessica, a car drove up and started to shoot. We, like the rest of the people in the bar found ourselves on the ground, trying to keep ourselves safe from being shot. Danny was shot but luckily he survived the attack and only ended up in a wheelchair for months. I swear Lindsay suffered a heart attack that night."

"Were you hurt?" Mac automatically asked.

"No. The rest of the team made it out unscathed. I believe only the bartender ended up dead that night."

Silence fell between the two of them.

"Was it after Angell's death that I finally proposed to you?"

"Mac, what is with you and…"

"Even now as you tell me situation, I get chills running down my back. Even though I know you're okay since you're sitting next to me right now, I still can't help but shudder at the what if. What if you had died that night? If Jessica's death did any good, it would have been to make me realize how short life is and how precious it is to not let you slip away from my life."

"Oh Mac."

"Tell me that is what happened, Stella."

Slowly Stella shook her head, giving him the negative reply. Mac swore at that.

"What's wrong with me? What was I thinking? I was being…"

"You. You were just being you Mac." Stella said. "You withdrew into yourself. That was the only way you knew how to. That's always been your way of dealing with things that you have no control over., Mac. You withdraw into yourself."

"Damn it. Back to square one again. So how long did it take you to break down my walls again?"

"Well this time around your walls weren't fully built to perfection. There was no time for that. On one hand you were trying to help Don and on the other hand you were biting off everyone's head after you discovered I had a one night stand with another man."

"You did what?" Mac cried out, louder then he had intended. Instantly he could feel anger and jealously erupt from within.

"That's exactly what I mean." Stella said, feeling the atmosphere change in seconds.

"Who? Why didn't you come to me?" Mac demanded.

"I knew you were going to react badly Mac. I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter. It didn't mean anything. Besides we weren't together back that, not even boyfriend girlfriend yet. Why are you reacting so bad anyways? You don't even have your memories, let alone any emotions that are attached to them. Your mind may rationally tell you that you love me but in your heart you feel nothing of that sort toward me. I'm still a stranger."

"Who?" Mac demanded again, so focused on finding out who it was that he didn't hear what Stella had said.

"Adam." Stella grounded out.

"Adam? Adam?" Mac repeated. "Why him? If it had been Don I would have understood, or even a faceless man, but Ross? Why Ross? You call him kiddo, Stella!"

"Why does any of this matter? Years have passed since then. I was drunk that night and he happened to be available. You've overlooked this once before Mac, why can't you do that now?"

"Because…" Mac didn't get to finish the sentence. The two of them heard a knock on the door and their heads automatically turned towards that direction. A moment later the door swung open and Mac watched as a strange man entered the room. The man had barely stepped all the way through when a little girl zipped passed the man's legs and headed straight for his bed.

"DADDY!" the girl who looked identical to Stella but with blue eyes screamed as she rushed toward him. Mac felt his body freeze as he tried to process the new discovery, knowing fully well that in his frozen state, the obvious signs of shock at the situation would be displayed clearly on his face.

"Jennifer!" Stella scolded. She stood up from her seat and tried to step in between her daughter and Mac in hopes of lessening the shock, but her daughter evaded her. Jennifer launched herself at her father and within seconds, her hand were wrapped tightly around Mac's neck in the form of a hug.

"Jennifer!" Stella repeated, turning to look at Mac's reaction, knowing he'll probably react badly because she hadn't had the chance to tell him about their daughter yet. To her surprise, Mac's hands were wrapped tightly around the girl's body.

"Jennifer," Mac slowly tested out the name. He frowned hard trying to remember the girl in his arms, but couldn't remember his daughter at all.

"Daddy!" Jennifer cried out again, hugging Mac fiercely. "Daddy!"

"Daddy can't breath." Mac whispered softly, pulling away from his daughter while doing his best to hide the pain that had shot through his entire body from the hug.

"Oh sorry." Jennifer blushed, stepping back and sat herself down on her mother's lap. Mac took this opportunity to study the girl before him, taking his time to commit her into his memory.

"I was so scared. Uncle Danny told us about the plane crash and…" Jennifer was speaking in a rush, her words running into each other as she spoke.

"Come here sweetie." Mac said, opening his arms in a gesture of a hug. Jennifer left his mother's lap and he carefully pulled her into a fierce hug, making sure that the hug did not disturb his physical wounds.

"Daddy's fine now." Mac tried his best to console the little girl in his arms. "Daddy will be fine now. The doctors here are going to make sure daddy gets better. In no time we'll be…" He trailed off, not knowing what activities he and his daughter did to pass time.

"playing Clue again." Jennifer said, referring to the board game.

"and I'll even let you win because I made you worry about me." Mac replied, not surprised at all that a child of two seasoned detectives would be interested in playing a mystery game.

"You always let me win." Jennifer corrected with a laugh. "Or did you forget about that?"

"Why would I forget about that?" Mac asked carefully.

"Uncle Sid explained that the plane crash might have caused daddy to forget some things and that if daddy forgot something…"

"I could never forget about you Jennifer, or anything that we've done before." Mac downright lied. "Yes, I don't remember everything right now, but you don't have to worry about that because I remember you. I love you so much sweetie that nothing will ever cause me to forget you."

"I'm glad." Jennifer said happily. She paused and then pointed her finger at the other little girl standing by the doorway with two other men. "How about Lucy? Do you remember Lucy?"

"Of course. She's my goddaughter and your best friend." Mac replied, using one hand to beckon Lucy to him. He couldn't remember Lucy at all, but at least Stella had been able to mention Lucy to him. Lucy didn't need to be told twice. She rushed up to Mac and he offered her a tight hug.

"I've so relieved that you're alright, Uncle Mac." Lucy said, returning the hug with open arms.

"I'll be like new once I get out of the hospital. Like I told Jennifer, the doctor's are going to make sure I get better before they let me leave."

"I know." Lucy said with a soft sigh.

A brief silence fell between the group until Jennifer spoke up again.

"How about them daddy? Do you remember Uncle Sheldon and Uncle Sid?" Jennifer asked, nodding towards the two men who were still standing by the doorway. Before Mac could give his reply, a knock was heard from the door. A second letter, the door opened and Dr. Gordon stepped in with a folder by his side.

"Good morning Mr. Taylor." Dr. Gordon greeted. "I see you have some early visitors today. I'm sorry to intrude, but I'll like to run some tests this morning to see if we missed any internal wounds last night. I'll also like to see if we can pinpoint exactly the last thing that you can recall freely on your own. From there we can find ways to help you regain your lost memories."

"Sounds good." Mac said. "I'll like to begin now if possible."

"Yeah sure." Sid spoke up. "We'll come back and visit some other time Mac. The girls just wanted to you as soon as visitors were allowed."

"Thanks for bringing them uh…" Mac trailed off, unable to remember the senior M.E.

"Sideny Hammerback." Sid provided. "But you can call me Sid. I'm the senior M.E. at the lab."

"Right Sid." Mac murmured. He then turned to look at Hawkes. "and you sir…"

"Sheldon Hawkes." Hawkes provided. "I'm awfully hurt that you forgot about me Mac. We were roommates for sometime."

"Roommates?" Mac echoed.

"I'm also a CSI on your team. I used to be an M.E. but I got tired of this guy…" Hawkes jerked his head towards Sid. "talking with dead bodies and decided to transfer. I find it quite unhealthy to speak with the dead on a day to day basis."

"Hawkes, I heard that." Sid said with a smile on his face.

"Well it's true. I'm still young. I don't want to end up knowing more about the dead then I do the living." Hawkes defended himself. "Anyway, we'll take our leave. We'll come and visit soon Mac."

"Thanks." Mac offered a smile at the two men.

"Say goodbye to daddy and Uncle Mac girls." Sid said "and then say goodbye to mommy and Aunt Stella."

"Actually Stella, why don't you take the girls?" Mac interrupted, suddenly sounding quite cold when he addressed Stella. "I'm sure they need a break from taking care of…"

"Nah, we'll be fine. We'll take care of the girls." Hawkes said. "Stella should stay. It's important that she's here for you throughout the whole thing."

"You've both done enough. Stella should spend some time with them." Mac corrected. "Besides with both Stella and I out, the Chief could really use some extra help from everyone else at the lab. Since I don't think I can convince Stella to work, she might as well make herself useful and watch over the girls."

"Mac, let them take care of the girls. I'm remaining by your side throughout this whole…"

"I don't want you at my side." Mac ground out, his heads snapped towards Stella in such a quick movement that he thought he might have strained something. "Right now. It's just test. No big deal."

"Mac…"

Instead of replying to Stella, Mac spoke to the group at large.

"Would you all please excuse us for a second?"

"Sure." Sid replied, sensing the sudden change of tone in Mac's voice when he talked to Stella. He and Hawkes led the girls outside after the girls had bid farewell to him.

"It'll just be a few more minutes Doctor." Mac said. Dr. Gordon gave a nod and then left the room.

"Mac…" Stella said the moment the doctor left.

"What else are you keeping from me?" Mac demanded.

"What?" Stella asked.

What else are you keeping from me?" He repeated.

"I don't under…"

"Damn it Stella! First it was Ross and now Jennifer. What else are you keeping from me?"

"Mac, I didn't mean to not tell you about Jen…."

"She was suppose to have been the second most important thing that you should have mentioned to me, aside from us being married. Damn it Bonasera! How can you not mention that I have a daughter? How can you spend hours and hours talking and not even bring up the fact that I…"

"Mac, I didn't want…."

"Just tell me what else you're keeping from me right now!" he demanded. "What other secret is going to waltz in through my door without my prior knowledge?"

"Nothing! I'll never keep anything from you, you know that."

"You just did!" Mac shouted. "Do you know how difficult it is to conceal my shock of finding out that I have a daughter, let alone pretend that I remember her when in reality I don't remember a single thing about her?"

"Believe me Mac, I would have…."

"Just leave Bonasera. I don't need you here."

"Mac…"

"Just go and don't come back. I don't need you. I can deal with this amnesia myself. You're just wasting both our time feeding me information that's quite useless compared to the other things that you're concealing from me."

"Mac, you don't mean that."

"Yes I do." Mac said without hesitation. "Just leave and let me deal with this mess myself. We'll all be better off that way."

"I'm sorry if I…"

"No, sorry is not going to work. Why? Simply because I know that ten minutes later I'm going to find out from someone else that something horrible happened to my mother and that you didn't even bother to tell me. Or I discover some other thing that will just allow me to blow up in front of you when that happens. Just go before you further damage what relationship we might be force to endure in the future."

"You're not asking for a divorce are you?" Stella asked hesitantly.

"For Jennifer's sake, no. Whatever is happening between us remains between us. I'm not going to pull her into this mess that we have now."

"Thank you." Stella said, letting out her breath. "I'll let you know that your mother's doing quite well in Chicago right now. And Reed is doing more then well. The last I heard from him, he said that he's spending Christmas at his girlfriend's place. Depending on how it goes, he plans to propose to her."

"What else do I need to know?" Mac asked, fixing his gaze onto Stella's.

"That's it. I swear to you Mac, that's all the surprises. I swear Mac, I was going to tell you about Jennifer soon. I just didn't want to overwhelm you first with the fact that we're married and then with that fact that we have a daughter. I didn't want to scare you or put on unnecessary pressure."

"And I have no pressure now? Damn it Stella, Jennifer's appearance really caught me off guard. Never in the world could I have imagined…"

"I'm sorry Mac. I truly am. I just thought it was for the best that I waited."

"I really want to believe you Stella, but like I said this caught me off guard and like you said all this information is a bit overwhelming. I think it's best if you go and just let me digest this alone."

"Mac…"

"Please Stella."

"I'm sorry Mac. Hope you'll forgive me someday." Stella said quietly, standing up from her chair and walked out of the room, knowing that she wouldn't be able to convince Mac to let her stay with him for the doctor's tests. She just hoped that Mac was not angry enough with her actions to push her out of his life completely.

* * *

"Sorry about all of this." Reed murmured to his girlfriend as they sat in the back of a cab heading from the Chicago airport to his grandmother's house. Once Reed had hung up his call from Sinclair, he had waken his girlfriend and told her the news. The next thing he knew, he was on the computer booking two tickets for the next flight to Chicago. After that Reed had explained the situation to his girlfriend's family and then the two of them had rushed to the airport. Now hours later, Reed and his girlfriend were in a taxi heading toward his grandmother's house.

"Whatever for?" Reed's girlfriend Blair asked.

"This. I know you've been looking forward all year to skiing in Tahoe during New Years. Now the plan's been cut out and I'm just sorry for this."

"That's silly Reed." Blair said, trying to laugh. "You know I'm not going to hold this against you. Yes, I've been looking forward to skiing, but we could always go next year. Your dad's just been in a terrible accident resulting in massive memory loss. I'll be very upset if you chose to go skiing instead. He needs you right now, your whole family does."

"I just guess I needed to hear it from you."

"Well I just told you so. You know I'm very family orientated. If something like that happened to my family, I'll expect you to understand my reason for spending less time with you and more time with my family. I'm honored that you let me come along for such a personal matter."

"You are part of my family Blair." Reed said softly.

"Again I'm very honored by that."

"Well you should be.

"There's always next year." Blair said firmly.

"Yeah next year." Reed ran his hand through his hair. "It's just that I guess I had this trip all planned. I invested so much into it. I was going to ask you to marry me and…"

"Reed?" Blair cut in, her breath suddenly caught in her throat. "What did you just say?"

"That I had invested so much into this trip and that I was going to…" Reed trailed off, his face suddenly going beat red as he realized what he had just slipped out. Slowly he turned and looked at his girlfriend. "ask you to marry me." He whispered the last part. "Blair Fonda will you marry me?"

Reed tried to gauge the expression on Blair's face, but found that he was unable to read pass the shock etched so clearly on her face.

"Blair?" Reed asked. He wanted to reach out to touch her, but didn't dare move. "Sorry, just uh..ignore what I said. I didn't mean to ask right here anyway. It's neither the place or time…"

"Yes!" Blair interrupted. She leaned forward and kissed Reed's lips, her hands wrapped around his neck to ensure that he didn't pull away.

"Yes!" she said again with tears rolling down her eyes. "Yes Reed Garret. Of course I'll marry you. I love you. I never thought you'll ask."

"You have no idea how happy you've made me." Reed let out the breath he was holding. "When you didn't reply right away, I just thought that you'll say no."

"I was shocked. Like I said I never thought you'll ask, let alone ask when we're sitting in the back of a taxi cab going from point A to point B."

"I never meant to ask right here, right now but it had already slipped out and…"

"Don't beat yourself over it Reed. I like it. It's special and definitely one in a million. You don't get many proposals happening in the back on a taxi cab." Blair said, trying to reassure Reed just as the cab pulled to a stop.

"And here I was stressing out about finding the best place and time to make my proposal. I wanted to make it special."

"This is special." Blair reassured him, stepping out of the taxi. She hesitated and turned back to the cab driver. "Don't you agree Sir?"

"You're absolutely right. This is very special. No one else has ever proposed and accepted while riding in the back of my cab." The driver replied. "By the way, congratulations. I know the two of you will be having a very Merry Christmas as a wonderful New Year."

"Thank you Sir." Blair said, paying for the ride as Reed pulled out their luggage from the back of the cab's trunk. When he was done, Blair waved goodbye to the taxi driver and then watch him drive away. When she turned to face Reed, she noticed the serious face that had replaced the look of happiness.

"I'm ready when you are." Blair said, referring to Reed's task of telling his grandmother about what happened to her son. "I'll be right here supporting you."

"Thank you Blair. I don't know if I can do this without you. I'm so afraid of something terrible happening to grandmother after receiving the news. She can't sustain a shock like that. It'll kill her."

"And that's why we decided to tell her face to face. In case anything does happen, we'll be there to make sure everything turns out well. Besides nothing will go wrong."

Reed took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. He didn't reply to Blair. Instead he turned and began trudging up the stairs towards Mrs. Taylor's house. He reached the front door in no time. Blair gave another reassuring smile and then Reed rung the bell.

Once. Twice. When he was about to ring the third time, the door flew open. Mrs. Taylor was standing on the other side wearing an apron and a pair of greasy gloves.

"Look what Santa dropped off for me this Christmas!" Mrs. Taylor said happily. "Reed! Blair! What a pleasant surprise. Please come in." As each of them stepped inside, Mrs. Taylor gave them each a hug which they both returned in warmth.

"I'm so delighted to see the both of you." Mrs. Taylor said, ushering them onto the loveseat in the living room. "Sorry about the mess in the house. I wasn't expecting guests. The two of you should have called and I would have made some cookies for you."

"There's no need for that Mrs. Taylor. Don't hassle yourself over us." Blair said politely.

"Oh, it wouldn't have been a hassle. I was baking cookies anyway. Every Christmas when I'm not traveling or if no one's visiting me then I'll bake cookies and bring them to the youth center that is just two blocks away from here." Mrs. Taylor said with a smile. "I was just cleaning up when the two of you showed up."

"We can help clean." Reed volunteered.

"Oh no Mr. Garret. It would be rude for the host to ask the guests to help…"

"We're family grandma." Reed interrupted.

"Still, it's just not right. As grateful as I am with the wonderful presents that Santa dropped at my doorstep this year, I'm sure the two of you didn't come to help me clean up the house."

"We don't mind." Blair spoke up.

"But that's not why you're here."

"No." Reed confirmed, again turning seriously. "We have some news that we thought would be best to tell you face to face grandma."

"What is it Reed?" Mrs. Taylor asked, sensing the seriousness in the younger man.

"Perhaps you should sit down first. We don't have pleasant news."

"Reed?"

"Please grandma just sit down and then I'll get started."

Slowly Mrs. Taylor sat down on the couch that was facing her guests.

"Dad was at a conference in Vegas." Reed began slowly. "He flew back to New York Christmas Eve and was suppose to arrive right before Christmas." Reed took in a deep breath and then continued to speak. "The plane crashed landed and dad's…."

"McCanna!" Mrs. Taylor cried out. "No! He can't be…" Her body shook and swayed unsteadily. Even though she was already sitting, she looked like she was about to fall. And then her body began seizing, contracting upon itself. Just as she was about to topple forward and land face forward, Reed caught her in his arms. He watched horrified as Mrs. Taylor tried to talk but no sounds came out.

"Call 911!" Reed shouted in panic. He had expected Mrs. Taylor to take the news terribly. He had even expected it to trigger a heart attack. However knowing that a heart attack could happen and watching it happen were two different things.

"Call 911!" Reed shouted again. He heard scrambling from behind him and then Blair speaking rapidly though he was unable to hear her exact words. All he could do was cling helplessly to Mrs. Taylor, afraid that if he let go, she'll just slip right though his fingers.

* * *

Hopefully this chapter wasn't too depressing for the holidays. Hope the youngsters and Reed and Blair's interactions help lighten the chapter a bit. So Mac and Stella just hit their first road block just as Mrs. Taylor's life hangs in the unknown. If you all want to know what happens next, then do remember to **Review**!


	5. Chapter 5

**Starting From Scratch**

**Written by:**HoshiHikari

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI NY

**Summary:**On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything at was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.

**Parings: **Mac and Stella

**Chapter 5**

"And the lacerations on the victim's forearm suggest that..."

"What are you doing here Taylor?" Sinclair's voice interrupted Stella as she and Danny looked through the set of photos that were spread across her desk.

"Looking through the crime photos." Stella replied without looking up. "What do you think of this particular laceration, Danny?" She was holding a photo in one hand and using her index finger on the other hand to point at a particular spot on the photo.

"What are you doing here Taylor?" Sinclair asked again, this time yanking the photo out of Stella's hands as he addressed her.

"Working on solving the damn case." Stella said, reaching out to grab the photo. However Sinclair stepped back so Stella was only able to grab air.

"I have plenty of other officers for that."

"They're not as efficient at their job as either Mac or I. Since he's unable to work right now, it's my responsibility to work twice as hard, otherwise the city will..."

"The city will manage without either of you here." Sinclair said.

"Thank you Chief." Danny said. "That's what I've been telling her, but she won't listen. The only reason I can think of that would tear her away from Mac's bedside is..."

"a fight between you and Mac." Sinclair concluded, searching in Stella's eyes for answers. When Stella looked away, Sinclair spoke to Danny.

"How long has she been here Messer?"

"A day and a half. She stormed in here after lunch yesterday. According to the night crew, she spent the night here."

"I'm still here." Stella spoke up.

"Well good stay here." Sinclair said, turning to leave. "While you're here, why don't you take up my job too, Taylor?"

"Chief?" Stella asked with confusion.

"You heard me Taylor." Sinclair said, halfway out of Stella's office.

"What? That's it. Aren't you going to lecture me about..."

"about what?" The chief asked, pausing in his step. "Your personal business isn't my business. If you want to chase down scum bags while your husband struggles to battle the demons of amnesia then be my guest. You just make sure you're here while I'm away."

"And where are you going Chief?" Stella asked.

"Reminding my buddy that ending our daily spars is not an option."

"Can I come with you Chief? I haven't had the opportunity to visit." Danny said. "And since Stella has such confidence that she can hold down the fort by herself...."

"When you're off the clock Messer." Sinclair said firmly. He left the office, leaving a confused Stella behind.

* * *

The first thing she noticed when she woke up was a mass of curly hair in her face. She closed her eyes and then opened them again, only to notice the curly mass of hair still blocking her vision from everything else.

"Hey grandma. I'm so relieved that you're awake. I was so scared when you..."

"Reed?" she asked in a dry raspy voice.

"Yeah grandma?" Reed asked.

"Where are you?"

"Right here, right in front of you." Reed sounded panicked. "Can, can you see me?"

"I.." she answered.

"I'm right in front of you grandma." Reed said again. "Do you see me?"

"I..." she answered again. "I see hair, lots of curly hair."

"Hair?" Reed sounded confused and then he laughed. He pulled back so that his face, mainly his hair wasn't right in front of his grandmother's eyes. "Is that better?"

"Much." Mrs. Taylor said. She looked around the room and noticed the white walls surrounding her. She also noticed Blair sitting in a chair next to Reed.

"Why am I in the hospital?" Mrs. Taylor asked, recognizing her surroundings.

"What's the last thing that you remember grandma?" Reed asked hesitantly.

"What does that have to do with anything, Reed?"

"Everything." Reed let out a deep breath, obviously relieved that Mrs. Taylor remembered him.

"Meaning?" Mrs. Taylor pressed. "What is it Reed? What happened to me?"

"Blair and I came to visit you at your house." Reed began.

"Reed, I don't think this is a good time to..." Blair tried to interrupt.

"It was a surprise visit. We had important news and needed to tell you immediately and personally." Reed continued. "Does any of this ring a bell grandma?"

Slowly Mrs .Taylor shook her head from side to side.

"What did you want to tell me Reed? What did you tell me that could have possibly landed me in the hospital?" Mrs. Taylor asked, sensing the seriousness in her grandson's voice.

"Reed and I are engaged." Blair cut in.

Slowly Mrs. Taylor turned to look at Blair.

"That's it? I'm in the hospital because of that?" Mrs. Taylor asked slowly. "But that's good news! I'm so happy for the two of you."

"Thank you." Blair said.

"Does McCanna and Stella know yet?"

In an instant the atmosphere was once again serious.

"That was only part of the news." Reed spoke up again. "The real reason that we're in Chicago is because of..."

"What? What is it Reed?"

"Reed, maybe this isn't a good idea." Blair cut in.

"Dadhasamnesia." Reed spoke quickly.

"Say that again." Mrs. Taylor said. "Slowly this time."

"Dad has amnesia." Reed said again. "Chief Sinclair called on Christmas day. He said that Mac was on a plane home when it crash landed at the airport. He's alright. He's perfectly fine. He just can't remember the last 17 years of his life."

"17?" Mrs. Taylor repeated. "17? Oh my poor McCanna."

"Yes. But don't worry. Once you're well enough, we're all going to fly to New York to help dad recover. He will recover. I just know it."

* * *

When Sinclair stepped into Mac's hospital room, he found the man sitting up with a laptop on his lap.

"You know Taylor, the department doesn't pay you for working while on medical leave." Sinclair said offhandedly as he approached Mac's bedside. He placed down a vase of freshly brought flowers next to Mac's bedside table.

"The department doesn't pay me for half of what it should be paying me to do and you know it." Mac murmured, though his eyes were still focused on the screen before him.

"Indeed." Sinclair acknowledged, peering over Mac's shoulder to see that he was reading an article in the New York Times. "Still haven't caught up to the present Taylor?"

"A bit difficult to cram everything that's happened in the last 17 years back into my brain, chief. Not to mention that I'm doing this on my own."

At this Sinclair reached out and gently closed the lid on the laptop. Mac turned and glared at him.

"Stella will be more then happy to assist you with your recovery." He paused. "Even I will be more then happy to do anything that I can to have my daily sparing detective back."

Mac couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle.

"I appreciate your honesty Chief."

"I'm serious Taylor, if there is anything, anything at all that will aid in your recovery, just ask and I'll find a way to make it happen."

"As wonderful as that sounds, there really isn't anything anyone can do right now. The doctor says I'm progressing slowly though I don't think so. I absorbing anything and everything that I can but I don't remember any of this. Say if anyone mentioned a natural disaster, say the quake in Hati, I'll know when it happened, what happened but I won't remember it happening. Does that make sense?"

"You're not expected to know everything that's happened in the world Taylor."

"Fine. But what about Jennifer? I've seen my daughter a few times now and I still remember nothing about her. I know she's here, I know she's mine but..."

"Everything takes time Taylor. I'm sure eventually something in your conversation will trigger a memory."

"I hope so. She's a lovely person. I want her in my life."

"Perhaps if Stella..."

"No. I don't want her around. I don't need her."

"She's your wife and the mother of your child."

"The more reason that I hate her. How could she spend hours talking about what she believes is the most important aspects that happened to me in the last 17 years and not mention that I have a daughter?"

"She wanted to protect you Taylor."

"Protect me from what?" Mac countered, raising his voice.

"You were just in a horrible accident and had lost your memory."

"So? She told me we were married! She could have just..."

"Tell me it wasn't already too devastating to discover that Claire's dead let alone that you are married to a women that you've barely know. Stella had her reasons for not immediately telling you that you and her have a daughter together."

"And you don't think it was devastating to find out that I have a daughter through the unannounced appearance of my daughter?"

"I'm sure on some level she regrets not telling you sooner."

"Right, whatever. I just don't like the fact that she's keeping such important information from me. How can I trust the women who claims to love me if I keep finding out that she's been keeping secrets from me, major secrets at that."

"Stella has nothing to hide."

"She lost my trust Chief and if you know me the way you should by now, then you should know that gaining my trust is difficult let alone regaining it."

"It was only one incident. For your sake, for her sake, for Jennifer's sake even, overlook this one incident. I've known Stella as long as I've known you, I can vouch for her if that means anything at all."

"At the moment it means everything."

"Good. Deep down inside you know I'm right. You need Stella and in more ways then just her being the key to recovery. Now swallow that damn pride of yours and apologize to her when she comes and visits again."

"She won't be coming back. I said some terrible things to her."

"All couples fight Mac. It's natural to do so. Leave the part about getting her to come here to me and just worry about apologizing."

"There's no way around this is there?"

"No. I'll tell her to drop by tonight."

"Fine."

"Good. Get some rest now. You'll be needing it."

"Right." Mac said as he watch Sinclair head towards the door. "Thanks Chief."

"For what. I didn't do anything."

"For just being you."

"If I was myself, I would have screamed at you at the very least for your stupidity."

"You already did. Thank you for being blunt an honest with me. I needed to hear it from someone else, someone who had nothing to lose either way."

"I did have something to lose." Sinclair corrected.

"Like what?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out. You're still my best detective aren't you Taylor?"

* * *

Two days after Sinclair had promised to make Stella visit Mac, she still hadn't visited him yet. In fact everyone on Mac's immediate team had managed to find time to visit their boss, yet despite the pleas from friends, Jennifer and Lucy, Stella refused to visit Mac.

"_Just leave Bonasera." _

"_I don't need you here."_

"_Just go and don't come back."_

"_I don't need you."_

"_I can deal with this amnesia myself." _

Mac's words rang in her ears. He had hurt her terribly and despite knowing that he had said them in the heat of the moment, the words still had cut her deeply. She knew that nothing good would come out of her visit if she remained in pain and so had decided not to visit at all.

"Sometimes I wonder if you and McCanna are long lost twins. The two of you respond astoundingly similar to each other when it comes to certain situations."

The voice that had interrupted her silence caused her to drop the pen she was holding. Hastily she looked up and a smile broke across her face.

"Mom!" Stella exclaimed in surprised, finding Mrs. Taylor, leaning on her office doorway.

"What a surprise! Come in, come in! It's so good to see you."

The two women exchanged warm hugs before Stella ushered Mrs. Taylor into a nearby armchair.

"Likewise. It's wonderful to see you again Stella." Mrs. Taylor stated in kind. The two sat in silence for a minute longer before Stella decided to break the silence.

"I suppose you've heard the news about Mac." Stella said quietly. Mrs. Taylor gave a brief nod.

"I would have phoned you myself, but..."

"It's okay Stella. I'm sure you have a lot on your mind."

"No, that's not an excuse. I should have..."

"Stella"

"I meant to tell you but..."

"Stella, it's okay. I'm here now."

"Still, I should have..."

"Reed, Blair and I just visited McCanna." Mrs. Taylor interrupted. "Just got off our flight and visited my son right away. The last few days have been hectic for everyone. The two of them went to retire early. I wanted to see how my daughter is holding up before I do the same."

"I...I'm fine." Stella said. "How is Mac?"

"Why don't you find out yourself Stella? I've heard you haven't seen him for at least 3 or 4 days now."

"I can't." Stella said softly, turning away with a guilty face. "I just can't."

"And here is how the two of you are identical. You're both so stubborn and set in your ways. For once be the grown up and apologize for whatever it is that is keeping you away."

Stella's head snapped back towards Mrs. Taylor and stared at her with wide eyes. She was more then surprised to be spoken to like that.

"I am first and foremost a mother and it is my instinct to protect my boy, especially now under these special circumstances. Because of these circumstances he might have said and done things to hurt you and perhaps you might have done the same to him. I'm asking you to forgive him and to be the first to budge on your stubbornness. He needs you Stella. There's only so much that I can help him with. I know that in his mind, you've only known each other for 3 years or so and he's still getting over Claire. But that doesn't matter. That's in the past. You are his present and his future. You, you're the rock in his life and has been for a very long time. If needed I can be the bridge that hold the two of you together until you can once again stand together. He needs you Stella, just like you need him."

Stella suddenly felt awful for being so selfish. Yes Mac had hurt her, and yes she knew he hadn't meant it, yet she still had let it get to her.

"I'm so sorry for letting this happen. I was so selfish. In sickness and in health right? Gods, I can't believe I let myself lose sight of the most important things."

"It's better late then never."

"I'll visit him first thing tomorrow."

"That's my girl. I love you Stella. I hate for something terrible to happen to my family as a direct result of McCanna's severe memory loss."

* * *

As promised, Stella found herself standing in front of Mac's hospital room the following morning. She took a deep breath, gave a knock and then entered. The first thing she noticed was that Mac's bed was empty. She panicked. Immediately she looked around the room and found a nurse cleaning the attached bathroom.

"Where's Mr. Taylor, the man who resides in this room?" Stella demanded.

"He was discharged 10 minutes ago."

"Discharged?" Stella asked widely. "What do you mean discharged? He has severe memory loss."

"Dr. Gordon deemed him fit enough to leave the hospital."

"How can a man who doesn't know where he lives or who the people who care about him are be fit enough to leave the hospital? How can he be discharged without his wife being notified of the circumstances?"

"Are you his wife?"

Stella nodded. Before she could say anything more, the nurse spoke up again.

"Apparently he didn't want you to know."

"But I'm..." Stella was at lost for words. Again Mac's terrible words filtered through her head. She had to do everything in her power to squash them.

"Did he say where he was going?"

"No."

"Damn it." Stella cursed. "You said he left 10 minutes ago?"

"Yeah."

Without saying another word, Stella rushed out of the room. She ran down the corridor and then out of the hospital, craning her neck everywhere in hopes of spotting Mac.

_Mac where are you? If only I hadn't been stupid enough to not visit him. He could be anywhere by now. _

Picking up her cell phone, she began dialing numbers. No one seemed to know that he was being discharged today, not even his mother, least of all know where he could possibly be.

"Damn it." Stella cursed again. She saw a nearby coffee shop and decide to duck in for her morning caffeine boost before continuing on her way. After all caffeine had a funny way of making he focus and she needed to focus in order to find Mac. So focused on finding Mac, she didn't realize that she had walked right into a person carrying a cup of hot coffee until she felt the hot liquid spill onto her. Immediately she let out a shriek, stumbling backwards to avoid being further spilled on.

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" A male voice said. Stella who had been inspecting the damage caused by the coffee, immediately looked up.

"Oh, uh...it's you." Mac, holding a half empty cup of hot coffee said. "Stella, are you okay?"

"Am I okay?" Stella asked incredulously. "First my husband decides to get discharged from the hospital without telling me or anyone else for that matter and that said husband spills hot coffee onto one of my favorite blouses and then he even has he guts to ask me if I'm okay as if nothing's happened. God Mac, you're absolutely unbelievable."

"Look Stella, I didn't mean to spill the coffee on you so that's not my fault." Mac tried to defend himself. "But if you insist, I can buy you a new shirt. I do kind of like it."

"Kind of? You love this shirt Mac. One of the reasons this is one of my favorites is because your face lights up whenever I wear it. Now it's ruined, just like everything else is ruined!"

"I've already apologized and have even offered to buy a new shirt. What else do you want from me?"

"YOU! You and everything that comes with owning Mac Taylor!" Stella blurted out before she could even stop herself. When she realized what she just said so loudly in public, her face was blushing red but she continued to speak. "Why are you pushing me away? Why didn't you tell me you were being discharged?"

"Why should I tell you? You don't care. You didn't even visit..."

"I didn't visit because you pushed me away. And I do care, more then you will ever know. I've been searching everywhere for you, asking anyone who might know. I was one call away from sending out the entire force to find you." Stella hissed back.

Mac's face soften. Slowly he reached out and awkwardly wraps his arms around her, bringing her close to him.

"I'm sorry Stella. I'm so sorry."

"You have no idea how scared I was. You have no memory, place to go or someone with you. This is New York and being in the profession that we're in, I couldn't help be think the worst and if the worst did happen, the last memory I would have had of us would be an argument and..."

"I truly am sorry Stella. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you."

"Give me a chance Mac. I know with Claire still in your mind, it'll be hard. But please Mac, let me in. Let me help you overcome this."

I..." Mac took in a deep breath and then slowly let it out. He let go of Stella and then took a step back. "I...I should buy you a new shirt."

"Mac..."

"Come on Stella, you're blocking the entrance and exit to Starbucks."

* * *

Sorry for that delay. I hope you're all still enjoying this fic. So at least we know Stella and Mac are back on track or at least hopefully will be. Remember to **Review ****！**


	6. Chapter 6

**Starting From Scratch**

**Written by:**HoshiHikari

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CSI NY

**Summary:**On a stormy winter's night, Mac boards a flight heading back to New York. Due to the weather conditions, the plane crashes and although Mac makes it out alive, he is struck with amnesia. Stella takes on the task of helping Mac cope with his memory loss while trying her best to make him remember everything at was lost—mainly how the two of them turned from co-workers to best friends to a married couple with an 8 year old daughter.

**Parings: **Mac and Stella

**Chapter 6**

_Let me in. Let me help you through this._

Stella's words rang in his ears even as the two of them left the shopping center with a new blouse. Somehow the words bothered him more so then anything else she had said to him since he had woken up in the hospital. Maybe it was the words itself or maybe it was the way she had said it. There was so much hope, determination and even a sense of desperateness that had caught him completely off guard. Hope and determination was expected but the desperateness coming off of Stella had been completely foreign to Mac and so he had done the one thing he knew how to. He had changed the topic.

Maybe it was the change in topic that had really bothered him. He had watch Stella's face literally shatter before him. Of course a moment later she had regained composure again but for that split second he had seen the pain he had caused, the hurt that he created with the unsaid implications that he wasn't ready to let her in or give her what she wanted at this point in time or ever for that matter.

To know that he was capable of causing so much pain was unthinkable and quite unnerving. And with that realization he had also come to realize the heart of the matter. This really wasn't about the fights of what Stella had chosen or chosen not to tell him. This was deeper and stemmed from the the unconditional love that Stella had been trying to offer but had been rejected, the fear that he would shut her from his life. But he couldn't really do that could he? After all he was her work partner and father of their child. Their lives were entangled. But that wasn't only what she wanted was it? He knew she wanted him but that was one thing he couldn't give. Then again who was he to say what could and couldn't happen. After all he had hurt her in a way that he was sure no one else had hurt her before so maybe...

Mac threw up his hands and let out a frustrated growl, immediately drawing the attention of his partner and effectively bringing him back to the present.

"Mac?" Stella asked hesitantly. She too had felt the tension between them after they had left the Starbucks. They hadn't said more then necessary and knowing him for as long as she had, knew that something wasn't just bothering him, it was eating at him.

"Talk to me Mac." Stella asked. "What's really bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"Mac." Stella pressed. She stared at him deeply, making him break her gaze and squirm.

"It's unnerving how you can see right into me, even better then Claire ever could. I feel so vulnerable when you can read me like an open book."

"You read me very well too."

"Perhaps. Maybe when I actually did remember..."

"Is this what it's about Mac? The amnesia?"

"That and..."

"That and..." Stella echoed.

"Why are you still here Stella?"

"What?"

"How can you even stand being around me when I hurt..."

"All couples fight Mac. That's natural." Stella cut in.

"you like no one's ever hurt you before." Mac finished. "At Starbucks when you asked me to let you in and I changed the topic, I saw..."

"You saw..." Again Stella echoed Mac's words.

"Your face. I hurt you Stella and that was utterly unacceptable and..."

"That's what's bothering you Mac?" Stella asked in shocked. Out of everything she had thought of, she hadn't thought of this.

"I never want to see that look ever again. You're my partner and friend and I hurt you. I'm sorry Stella. I'm so sorry for hurting you, for not being able to return what you seek." Now that he had told her this, Mac suddenly felt better then when it was bottled inside.

Stella wrapped her arms around Mac and pulled him close to her.

"In sickness and in health." She murmurer in his ear. "I love you and nothing is going to ever change that. I know the amnesia is hard on you. Believe me its hard on me too but no matter how hard it gets I'm not running away. If you really consider me as your partner and friend then let me help you through this as one. We can do this at your pace. We'll do this together."

"I don't know what I did to ever deserve your unconditional love Stella."

"Believe me, the feeling's mutual."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Yes, you do that..."

"and you have my word that I will try. I need you Stella but you have to realize that..."

"I know."

"but I will try..."

"That's all that I ask Mac. All I want is to be given the chance."

"Who am I to deny you one. It's just..."

"Claire's still fresh in you mind. I understand."

"That and that I'm...I'm scared. I'm scared of messing up and losing my friend, partner, wife and daughter because of something I did or didn't do. Jennifer's a wonderful girl. I don't want her taken from me."

"The only reason she'll be out of your life is if you're a neglectful parent." Stella said even. "I know you're scared Mac. I'm just as scared because there's so much at stake. It's like exploring new territory, no, this is new territory. We're back to step one all over again, back to getting to know each other all over again and if that's not a little nerve wrecking then I don't know what is. Still I'm willing because I know we'll pull out on top. We always did and we always will. Believe in us Mac."

"I'm tempted to fall onto my knee and ask you to marry me Stella." Mac said, finally pulling away from Stella.

"Thought we were taking this slow? Not that I mind."

"Thought it was at my pace?"

"Whenever you're ready Mac."

"Whenever I'm ready." Mac agreed.

"So what now?"

"How about some spicy orange chicken?" Mac asked with uncertainty. "Start with something familiar and then we can go from there."

* * *

"How can a man with no memories of the last 17 years be fit to be released from the hospital? How can you let a man who doesn't know who he is, where he lives or who is important to him be allowed out of this hospital alone." Sinclair demanded as he stepped even closer to Dr. Gordon.

"With all due respect Chief, Detective Taylor knows who he is, where he works and who the most important people in his life are. He just can't remember the last 17 years of his life. He is not physically injured and besides he demanded..."

"Of course he demanded to be released. Your expertise as a doctor should have overridden his poor judgment. At the very least you should have released him to the care of his wife, mother or even the police station." Sinclair took in a deep breath. "Because of your poor judgment this hospital is now under investigation for malpractice."

"But Chief surely my actions do not warrant..."

"Do you know how many enemies Mac Taylor has in this city, Doctor? If just one of them catches wind of the situation the consequences will be dire. If my head of the crime lab becomes the next crime scene, I'll make sure you and this hospital takes partial blame of the incident."

* * *

"It's times like these that I have to disagree with you on the three things that you will protect at any cost."

"Oh?" Mac raised an eyebrow. The fork with the piece of orange spicy chicken attached to it lingered in mid air.

"You should see your face Mac, its in utter heaven." Stella continued. "I swear Taylor one of these days you'll die trying to protect spicy orange chicken, but from what I have no idea.."

Stella watched as Mac's face scrunched up into a look of incredulity. The two of them were sharing a comfortable lunch at a small Chinese restaurant and Stella just couldn't help help teasing the man in front of him.

"Really Stella?"

"Really Mac. I know you'll kill to get your hands on them. Hence if you're willing to do that then you're willing to protect them to death. It's very logical, don't you think?"

"Right. Well then what are the other two?"

"Spicy" Here Stella put up her index finger. "Orange." She put up her middle finger. "Chicken." She put up her ring finger. "I don't know Mac, looks like three things to me."

"You're unbelievable Stella." Mac ate his piece of chicken and then poked at another one. "Utterly unbelievable."

"Hey but it worked didn't it? Made you relax. You were so tense before and..."

"And so it did." Mac interrupted. "Thank you."

The two continued to eat in comfortable silence.

"And Stella," Mac said just as he paid for lunch. "There are 5 things that I'll protect at any cost."

"The country, the city and the integrity of the lab. What are the other two?"

"You're a detective, Bonasera. You tell me."

* * *

"Still no signs of McCanna?" Mrs. Taylor asked over the phone.

"No I'm sorry." Sinclair replied.

"And Stella, where you able to contact her. I tried calling but.."

"She's not picking up, I know" The chief said with exasperation. "New York's not that big. I'm tempted to put Mac on missing persons. That''ll definitely speed up the process."

"I hear a but in there."

"Mac won't be happy, neither would Stella for that matter. I'm hesitant to mobilize on the off chance that we're wrong. Besides I need someone to make the report and..."

"I can report my son missing can't I?"

"Yes. You do know your son is pretty big in this city Mrs. Taylor. Making it official will not only attract uniforms but possible enemies."

"More the reason to get to him soon."

"How about I make you a deal. If Mac doesn't turn up in an hour, I'll send out the bulletin."

* * *

"Welcome home Mac." Stella said as the two of them got out of the cab. Like a little child she tugged at Mac's arm and dragged him towards the apartment building.

"But I thought I lived..."

"We agreed to move to a new place, one that we could make our own. Besides my place was too small for three people and your place well.." Stella hesitated. "Just seemed weird for us to live in the same apartment that you shared with Claire."

"I understand." Mac said ever so quietly, though he didn't seem fine.

Stella took Mac's hand and squeezed it.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be. It's just this makes everything more real. You know" Mac squeezed back. "us."

And then he let go of Stella's hand and pushed pass her.

"Come on Stella. Give me the grand tour."

"Mac."

"I'm okay Stella."

Reluctantly Stella caught up to Mac, wrapped her arm around his and then slowly led the way.

"We can always do this tonight if you're not ready." Stella paused putting the key in the lock but did not turn it.

"We're here already Stella."

"Told you Mac. We're doing this at your pace."

"We're doing us at my pace. Have to eventually come home."

"Oh Mac."

"Please Stella before I really get the jitters and run away from doing this, doing any of this."

"Running's not the answer Mac."

"I know."

Stella gave Mac another hug before turning the key and letting them inside.

"McCanna Boyld Taylor, where in the world did you run off to young man?"

Mac froze in the doorway at being addressed like that. It took a full minute before he realized it was his mother speaking from the couch.

"Mother!" Mac managed. He felt Stella pull him all the way into the apartment before hearing the door close behind him.

"Well son?"

"Starbucks, shopping center, Chinese restaurant. Why are you here mom?"

"I'm here in case you show up."

"But?"

"But what? You discharged yourself from the hospital without notifying anyone, not to mention you discharged yourself to no one. Everyone's worried. In fact in less then 10 minutes the Chief's going to put you on missing persons."

"But.." Mac sputtered. "But Stella was with me the whole time!"

"Really?" Mrs. Taylor's eyes shifted onto Stella and then back onto Mac. "But she was the one to raise the alarm."

"Well Mac was missing but then I bumped into him or rather he bumped into me fairly quickly and we've been together since." Stella confirmed. "I should have called but I was distracted."

"I see and others couldn't call you because..."

Stella pulled out her phone and frowned.

"It's dead."

"Speaking of calling, better call Sinclair to tell him that I'm fine." Mac excused himself from the other two.

"So how was the date?" Mrs. Taylor asked Stella once Mac was out of ear-shot.

"Date?" This time it was Stella who was sputtering.

"Starbucks, shopping, Chinese restaurant and not to mention doing them as a couple, if that's not a date then..."

"It went better then expected." Stella cut in. "It's difficult having this underlying distance between us. It's awkward and..."

"In time this will pass." Mrs. Taylor reassured. "In time everything will turn out right. Just have to believe in yourself, in Mac and in the two of you as a couple."

* * *

Very sorry for the terrible wait. Mostly about Mac turning but being hesitant all the same. Hopefully now that he's willing to try that he and Stella can work on them, even if it means as simple as dating all over again. More on the others later on. Please remember to **Review!**


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